back again

I got to the Boston airport just after 1PM, and after getting through customs, I had to go through security (again). I winded through the belted lanes until I was a few people away from the desk where you show your boarding pass and license, and then I had a moment of loneliness. I was looking at the ground, thinking about the last five and a half weeks of my life, and all the people I met, and all the places I went, and all the amazing moments of fulfillment, when a security guard broke my concentration by saying Snap out of it! Come on, what are you thinking about right now?

And I looked up, surprised, and asked Right now? And he said yes, now, what are you thinking about?

This man was tall, skinny, and he had thick, LONG (like to his knees) dreadlocks. I probably have nothing in common with him. How was I going to say I'm thinking about how I don't know what I'm doing with my life but I had an amazing July and I am already missing some new best friends and I am afraid of falling in love with anything because it all leaves me eventually and I wish I had another fruit compote and I wish I hadn't left the UK this morning? So instead I looked at my right hand, holding a plastic bag full of chocolate for my brothers, and said Grocery bags, I think!

And this guy was shocked. He looked at me for a second, made a face, and then started laughing. Grocery bags? he said. Why grocery bags?

Because, I'm holding this grocery bag, and my luggage is full of grocery bags of dirty laundry and souvenirs, some of them are from the corner store by Carincross House, where I lived for a month, and they're all from the UK, I'm just coming home from the UK, and they've all got names on them from stores that we don't have here. I'm just thinking about that.

The guard was still chuckling, and when I was done explaining myself he turned to the guy behind me in line, who was also smiling at this weirdo who thinks about grocery bags in the security line, and said Grocery bags! And then to me, You know, just keep them as souvenirs.

I smiled and said I guess I should! even though I am not the kind of person that reuses grocery bags after they've been stuffed with dirty clothes. He said Most people, they get that look on their face when they thinking about what am I going to do tomorrow?, but you were thinking about grocery bags. Oh and you can go to that desk to your right.

So I walked off and eventually got through security and then I sat down by this window with my lunch and I thought about how someone is probably in my room in Carincross House, either getting ready to go out or turning in early. It's after 8 PM in the UK right now. Tonight I will sleep between my old sheets in Tyler after I dump my bags of laundry into the washer, and brush my teeth in the sink I've been brushing my teeth in since the seventh grade.

I miss you already! has never been so weighty.