last night

For one reason or another, summer sends my circadian cycles through a food-processor-like machine. No matter how great I was sleeping, and at reasonable hours, I am left at the mercy of a brain that won't stop thinking and eyes that won't close. It's a lot of fun.

I've had a week of struggling, usually getting in bed around 11pm and falling asleep around 2am and then waking up between 9am and 10am. Last night I hit one of the hard nights. I got ready for bed at midnight, but felt like I had just woken up. I was on the internet in bed, and then read old journal entries until 1:30am. I tried to turn everything off and fall asleep then, but I still was not tired at all. I closed my eyes and tossed until 2am. Then I got up and got a drink of water and blew my nose and tried to think of what to do. It was hot in my room, so I decided to move upstairs. I turned the swamp cooler on and got my blanket from downstairs. I lay down on the couch and it smelled like Max (most of the furniture in my house was trucked up from home). I couldn't tell if that grossed me out or made me homesick.

I went back downstairs and got my Marie Antoinette bibliography and book light, and tried to cool down and read myself to sleep. It was a desperate attempt. It was almost 3am. The only books that have ever made me sleepy were books from AP Lit, most notably The Things They Carried and The Heart of Darkness, but I didn't bring those to college. I read through the pre-stories of Maria Teresa and tensions with Prussia and still felt totally awake. It was starting to get cold. I turned off the little light and tried to fall asleep. Not happening. It was closer to 4am. I read until Antoine becomes officially engaged to Louis, and then I felt really cold so I rolled my arms into my blanket and prayed that some hypothermea-type of sleepiness would come over me. I fell asleep probably around 4:30am.

I woke up when my alarm went off at 8:30am. I was freezing. I patted myself on the back for actually sleeping, got up and turned off the cooler, and went up the next little set of stairs into the room with the double bed. The sun was streaming in and there was a patch of the mattress that looked nice and warm. I lay down and closed my eyes and tried to fall back asleep. I drifted off at 9am, and had the most fairy-tale like dream I've ever had in my life. I did write it out to post it, but I'm thinking about it too much and now I'm just going to write the book and then everyone else can read it.

Then I woke up.

Rough night, best dream I've ever had. I'll take it. PS Claire Winchester you were in my dream. You were married to a bad guy. But I still loved you. The end.