just another post about where i am in life

Is that all I talk about? Maybe. Sorry? I guess you don't have to keep reading.

I no longer live close to the grocery store that has been my grocery store whenever I live in Provo. It's not glamorous or even well-stocked all the time, but you know what it's like to have your grocery store. It's home. Although I've been stopping at different places over the past few weeks to get grosh, last night, in my slightly-tight sneaks, I went back to my old grocery store. And what do you know, I got a cart and immediately ran into someone that I knew in one of my old complexes.

We did the general small talk things, and then she asked, "I thought you weren't coming back?" So I had to explain how I came to come back. And while I was saying it, I felt silly. This month has been weird and not exactly the brightest and I have felt like maybe I made the wrong choice, coming back. Of course, my alternatives are usually impossible. Why didn't you stay in the Lakes? Why didn't you apply to the right grad programs last fall?

But then, this very wise woman said, "Oh wow. I guess you were supposed to come back! You tried so hard to leave, but God needs you here."

Dude, TRUTH. I tried so hard to leave. The draw to be elsewhere that I have felt over the past five years, whenever I am in Provo, is hard to ignore.

But also, and I feel like I acknowledge this often but not in this department of my life: God can and will use me wherever I am, and there's a huge chance that I ended up back in a place that I refuse to sink my roots into because God wants to see me grow roots here. Finally. After four years of running away. I haven't passed the test yet. Or, someone else is trying to pass it and I promised them before we got to Earth that I would be here to help them.

That makes me think of a scripture that my mom has referenced/references a lot in her calling as a Young Women's leader in our church.

I would hate to think that this year is *the moment* for which I was created, since I have lots of plans and dreams and goals that, to me, are a lot cooler than "take a dozen language credits and apply to graduate programs and do some editing work," but maybe this is *a moment.* 

I hope it's a moment.