"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams." Henry David Thoreau
"Do one thing every day that frightens you." Eleanor Roosevelt.
Well, that's two. And I am pretty sure I spelled Eleanor wrong and I know that's not the right quote, word-for-word. But everyone says it, you know! Take the plunge! ... I can't think of any more cliche phrases that say it, either.
You get the picture.
I've been trying to conjure up and imprint those kinds of words on my mind as I pack up and leave a home that is both a house on the market that I might not see again and a place where my family lives that I might not live in again. I know you can never say never, but as I jump into my final semester and then interning/jobs/working until I know exactly what to do about grad school, I feel like I need to be in places that are not close to home. And that's rough. I am not scared, and I am not going to not do the right thing because I wish I could be closer to home, but when you haven't made any promises yet and coming home is still an option, it looks so, so comfortable.
I was talking to one of my closest friends the other day about walking by faith, into the dark, where only God can guide you. She was talking to me about being engaged, with a fiance worried about finding a job that can support their (to-be-new) family right out of college. It was so easy to tell her that I knew God would watch out for them. It is not so easy to take that medicine yourself.
That is something that really sucks about walking by faith. I'm going to be serious here: I know God is real. He is 100% really watching me type this right now. He knows what PJs I am wearing. He knows I just watched an hour of Arrested Development instead of doing my online class. He knows what he wants me to do with my life and how to do it. But he is not going to tell me how to do it, because that is my job. I am supposed to figure it out. God is watching me sit in front of a wall in the maze of my life, crying, either ignoring him or shaking my fists and saying "I didn't even want to go down all the paths that have gotten me to this freaking wall. I don't know how to get past this! I don't know what to do!"
He knows that I know that really, I don't deserve to have gotten to take all the easy roads that have led me to this "insurmountable" problem that I, along with literally every person ever, like to call my future. He knew that if I sat down and tried to hammer these feelings out, I would taste a little humble pie, because I know that I'm not alone. I know the wall is surmountable. I know that trusting Him leads to blessings beyond what I can imagine tonight in my PJs. Especially since the biggest blessing I can think of right now is the pan of Rice Krispie Treats in the fridge downstairs.
Nothing is impossible with God, y'all. Nothing. Walls. Mazes. Marriages. The future.
Dealing with people.
Dealing with places.
Even the most trying people in far away places.
Fear and anger (and hate) are dark side feelings. Siths feel those feelings. Siths and El Diablo, because they are all on the dark side. One of the reasons they feel fear and anger (and hate) is because they rely upon themselves and their power to get things done--to maintain stability and confidence, they can only turn to themselves. Good siders, like Jedi and people who trust in God, know that only through reliance upon higher, righteous powers can peace and justice be found/restored. Sometimes, good siders have to make choices that are risky. Sometimes they have to give up things that they love in order to bring about a greater good. But they find power in their actions because their actions are not selfish--they find peace in tumult because they know they are not alone.
Comparing myself to Jedi is both a confidence booster and a reminder that I don't want to turn out like Darth Vader. I want to be good. I want to not kill my spouse on a volcano planet. I want to bring peace to the galaxy. And I can only do that if I walk by faith.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
-Helen Keller
(I didn't have to look that one up either, so... 3 POINTS FOR RAVENCLAW. Did y'all know I was a Ravenclaw? Also, shout out to Molly Cook for getting a bona fide BOYFRIEND. You deserve this, gurl. And if Jeff ever makes you cry, I'll send some after-the-sun-goes-down-on-North-Gentry action over to Atlanta to teach him a lesson. Since there's no Gentry in Atlanta.)
You are fabulous. Please write a book. I will buy every. Single. Copy.
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